Forgiveness
by Carrie O'Neal
Summary: post-ep 5x08 Kitsunegari: a fluffy, little piece, that just came to me when I rewatched the ep. MSR of course


**Disclaimer: I own nothing!****  
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** Author's Note: I just rewatched 5x08 "****Kitsunegari" and I just wanted to write something fluffy about it. I know that it's probably a little OOC and yes, I know, that Mulder didn't have a bed until Dreamland I + II, but I just didn't want them to sleep on his couch...**

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The dark apartment was only lit by the television that sent an eerie glimmer over Mulder's face as he was lying on his couch. He was still in his suit, in his right hand a bottle of beer and his left one tucked under his head. The late night horror movie was in black and white and to the FBI agent it seemed more like a comedy. What he had seen and experienced in his life was more then other people don't even dream of. But in the end he was always without prove and most importantly he was alone.

Today had been even worse. He was used to being called a freak and a nerd… a joke for the FBI, but even when everyone failed him, even when everybody turned from him, there was always one person he could trust to stand by him. She may hardly ever agree with him on a professional matter, but he could always be sure to have her by his side, when it mattered, that she would always be there, no matter how obscure or insane his theories may be.

Or so he thought…

It didn't really matter to him if Skinner thought that he was insane or if any law enforcement officer in the city had a bad opinion about him, but when Scully told him that he couldn't be trusted, it had hurt him more, than he was willing to admit. Not only hadn't he realized how important her opinion was to him, but the fact, that she so easily turn on him… it hurt.

With a deep sigh he brought the beer bottle to his lips and emptied it. Carelessly he threw it on the floor, where a clinking sound indicated, that it wasn't the first bottle of alcohol that he had consumed this evening. When he reached over to help himself to yet another bottle of beer he found the packaging of the six-pack empty. Did he really have six bottles of beer already?

With a groan he sat up and put his elbows on his knees. He laid his head in his hands and rubbed over his eyes a few times before getting up and dragging himself into the kitchen. There had to be more beer somewhere!?

The light in the refrigerator blinded him. He quickly scanned the nearly empty fridge before accepting, that there wouldn't be any more beer in his near future and pushing the fridge shut.

Standing alone in the dark it became even more obvious to him how much he hated to be alone. Sure, he comes home alone every night since years, but tonight it seemed a bit more pathetic. He was about to look if his cupboard had anything alcoholic to offer, when a soft knock disturbed the silence. It took him a while to realize, that there was someone on the door. For a few seconds he pondered to just not react… if he was honest with himself he wasn't really in the mood for company, no matter how alone he felt. Besides, who on earth would come visit him in the middle of the night anyway?

"Mulder?"

Her soft voice could quietly be heard through the door. She sounded a little bit shy and reserved, which kind of concerned Mulder. Immediately a frown appeared on his forehead and with a few quick steps he was by the door and swung it open.

"Scully… are you alright?"

Before him stood his friend, his soulmate, who reminded him in no way of the strong FBI agent he knew she was. She looked fragile and broken and in this second he would like to have done nothing more than to take her into his arms and protect her from the world and all the evil that was out there. But he didn't. Instead he just stood there and indicated for her to come in. He closed the door behind her and turned to her slowly. The worst scenarios have already played out in his mind: she came to tell him that she decided to quit her job with the FBI; she found out that her cancer is back and more aggressive then ever; she doesn't want to work with him anymore… he has eventually become to much for her to handle. Fear crept its way into his body. What would he do if she had come to tell him that she was leaving him – one way or the other?

"Mulder… I'm so sorry."

Her voice was barely a whisper. She lowered her head and studied her feet very intensely, when he heard her take in a deep breath. She seemed to be uncomfortable to be here, to stand here and talk to him. She acted ashamed and afraid and Mulder's fear was replaced by confusion. She was sorry? And why wouldn't she look into his eyes? Slowly he took one small step after the other towards her. When he was standing mere inches before her, he raised his arm and laid his hand under her chin to lift her head and made her look at him. When their eyes locked, he saw unshed tears in her ice blue eyes and immediately felt his heart break. A lonely tear broke free and inched its way down Scully's cheek only to be stopped by Mulder's thumb. His hand remained on her cheek as his thumb continued to softly stoke it.

"I'm so sorry I doubted you, Mulder. You were right, you knew what to do and I didn't believe you."

The whisper turned into a heartbreaking sob, as Mulder pulled her closed and hugged her tightly to him. With all the strength she had left in herself Scully clung to her partner. She felt as if her life depended on whether Mulder would forgive her. Never had she felt so guilty before. She had known, that he had been right, that he made more sense than Skinner and herself, but she didn't side with him nonetheless. Her scientific mind, the medical and logical part of herself had told her, that Mulder couldn't possibly be thinking right. But the look on his face, the determination she saw in his eyes told her otherwise. In her heart she had known that he was neither crazy nor untrustworthy. And still…

Mulder held the tiny woman in his arms until he couldn't hear any more sobs. He pulled back carefully and raised his hands to wipe away the remainder of her tears. He wanted to say something, to sooth her, to tell her, that it didn't matter, but he couldn't. Because it did matter. He remembered the way he had felt when she had told him to go home. But then he looked in her eyes again and the shame and self-hatred he saw there hurt him even more. Her look asked for the forgiveness she sought, her eyes filled with hope and begging.

"How could I ever not forgive you, Scully? You're the only person I trust, you're my rock."

He could clearly see the rock that fell from her heart as she heard his words and a smile slowly formed on her lips. For a moment longer she just smiled at him and he felt increasingly impelled to kiss her, but only a second later she took a small step back and whispered: "Thank you, Mulder."

He let his hands fall from her cheeks and instead took hers in his. He gave them a light squeeze and returned her smile, before she took another step back and with her gaze once again on the floor, she added: "It's late, I should go."

She stepped around him towards the door and moved to open it, when she felt his hand on her forearm.

"Why don't you stay?"

He knew, that he was pushing the boundaries and that he threatened to cross the invisible line that has been between them all these years, but the events of the day and night let him push all the worries and regulations aside. He could she the uncertainty in her eyes, the fear of crossing that same line and the even greater fear of wanting to cross that line. Her logical mind screamed at her, ordered her to just go, to not even think about it.

"I don't feel like being alone today." Mulder explained in a low voice that was filled with all the sorrow he had felt that day and all the loneliness his life was made of. His eyes begged her silently as he added in a quiet whisper: "Please."

Hearing his soft begging, this one word that asked her for so much more, was her undoing. If she was being honest with herself, then she felt the same loneliness every night when she comes home. She had long ago realized that her life somehow ended up revolving around him and it hadn't taken her long to accept, that she really didn't matter. She was tired of being alone and so she let go of the doorknob and turned around again. She took his hand and followed him to his bedroom, where she slipped off her shoes and lay down beside him. His strong arms found their way around her and dragged her even closed to him. He threw a blanket over them and snuggled up behind her before he placed a soft kiss on her cheek. He watched over her until her even breathing told him that she was fast asleep and soon after he too fell into a comfortable sleep.

**The End **


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